Don't Shake the Flask

Because you don't know if it'll explode

If you have e-mail, you know your enemy. Spam. Deleting it is like shooting an annoying person with a super-soaker. Satisfying, yet ineffective. Car loans, horse riding, toner cartridges, porn, sweepsticks, jokes, cellphones, airplane tickets–you name it, they have spam for it. I should have some sort of filter for all this junk, but I’m too lazy to configure it. Besides, it’s much more fun watching “You’ve won $1 million!” getting flushed down the virtual toilet.

Imagine my surprise when I found a note from The Real Diary Critic (another gratuitous link is located in the links section) telling me I got reviewed. Wowie, I’m going to get bashed! My initial glee was dampened by the fact that I got an 8 out of 10. However, the grade was redeemed by a math error (I had too many annoying writing habits and I wasn’t unique enough making it a 7 out of 10!)

The Real Diary Critic is (in)famous for being “bitchy” and downright “honest” in her critiques of diary sites. Personally, I like that. There’s no better way to spur someone on to improvement if you’re not brutal in your assessment. If you can’t take harsh criticism, then The Real Diary Critic isn’t for you. Well, I figured a little review would be small change compared to the masochistic academic environment I’m mired in now, so what have I got to lose?

So the following is a response to the review. I’d like to point out a few things since I think reviewing is a two-way street; I’m sure no reviewer likes talking to a mute void.

This is an interesting title, which I think must be a name, but why is the SYA underneath it?

Both Syaffolee and SYA are my aliases. It’s explained under for those statistics-obsessed in the about me section.

My kind of layout, but what is wrong with making things a little bit easier to read by enlarging it somewhat?

You also forgot to point out that tiny fonts will make people squint thus destroying their vision. I don’t want to be a cause of someone getting laser eye surgery down the road so I’ll take the advice.

Why is there a link for the blog on the blog? Just curious.

It’s for a consistent layout. Actually, I was too lazy to customize every page like what I did for a previous layout.

Are her paragraphs too long or are they just squished into the small table?

They’re too long. I have yet to break the nasty, nasty habit of writing seven sentences for each paragraph (instilled in me by my corpse-like fifth grade teacher).

She tricked me by not using them on the current page, but I found loads of ellipses in the archives.

Ah, the notorious archives. I think I’ll keep it around as an example of atrocious writing. You’d think I spent my previous years super-glued to the period key.

I also found slang words like sorta, and cause as well.

Slang isn’t that bad, especially if you’re trying to convey to the reader how you speak.

I almost feel bad about saying this, but I think that the author needs to write out her entries in word format first so that she can use spell check. I found 3 spelling errors just in the quotes I choose from the blog alone. Sheesh.

Isn’t it supposed to be “chose” instead of “choose”? But who am I to judge? I miserably failed a spelling bee in third grade because I misspelled “gray” as “grey”. (Yes, both spellings are acceptable if you look it up in the dictionary, but the teachers were having none of this wishy-washy alternate spelling stuff.)

Oh no, I’m not mad about this at all, I actually have the spell-checker disabled. I have two excuses: a prof (also a former New Yorker editor) who says it’s better to look things up in a hardcopy dictionary (obviously, I’ve overlooked quite a few words), and spell-checker is a damn annoyance when you’re writing science papers and it’s auto-correcting every other word. Maybe I just need to insert “kinase”, “dimerization”, “nucleosomal”, “oligosaccharide”, and other scientific jargon into the Word lexicon.

I can honestly say I was not bored by this diary, not in the least. I loved her writing style. I even liked how it has evolved from a “daily rant” style, to more of a diary.

I’m all over evolution. No deity would have the courage, let alone the balls, in admitting it created this obviously human drivel.

I’m fed up with people questioning me about the race or ethnicity of my friends and acquaintences. Why does it matter to them whether they are White, Black, Hispanic, or Asian? And if they are of mixed origins, what particular line are they derived from? It’s like determining the lineage of a certain breed of dog to assess the animal’s temperament. Humans are not dogs and should not be treated as such.

I despise classification. That’s probably why I don’t disclose my own ethnicity, gender, or religion on applications if it’s not required.

Sort of related:
Is Metafilter a Boyzone?
Male Answer Syndrome

I’m tired of being dragged into dreams that are more like bad film classes than actually feeling like I got any rest. Either I need to do something different or take some sleeping pills.

Take for instance the dreams I had last night. One was in third person. The characters were preppy high schoolers. A guy was assigned with a girl to work on a project. He’s clueless and a bit naive and doesn’t understand why the girl was snubbing him. (I don’t even understand why, and I’m supposed to be the omniscient viewer!) Two jealous guys trick the protagonist to go to a park that looks very similar to the one where Charlie Sheen confronts Michael Douglas at the ending of Wall Street. They beat the crap out of him and call the cops to haul him to jail. People inform him that there’s no way he can prove himself innocent of charges that he assaulted the girl (even though there’s no evidence against him).

In another dream, I had ten kids. I kept wondering: Who was the father? How was it possible that I had two sets of quintuplets? How can I take care of them even though I’m a student? Needless to say, this was a scary dream because of the implied responsibility. Yeah, there are people my age who already have kids going to preschool and maybe ten years from now I might decide to have children, but right now I don’t even want to think about having mini-me’s running around.

Links with commentary:
Judge-it – It’s the reviewer’s version of meta-metablogs!
What Muppet Are You? I am Kermit.
What Color Yoshi Are You? I’m orange.
Stupid goldfish. (via Daypop) I was pretty suspicious. I thought it was some sort of script at first, but then I realized that the links were to plain html pages and soon figured the whole puzzel out. Hint: memorize all the cards, not just one.