by syaffolee

Brie Lobotomized

Last weekend, I discovered spreadable brie at the local supermarket.

I really like brie. And if it’s spreadable, that only means I could put it on anything I wanted. Easily win-win, I thought. I was wrong. I expected Igor Stravinsky and ended up with John Denver. What freakin’ gives?

The resulting cheese product is spreadable all right, but it’s quite bland and tasteless. It’s the kind of thing that would be perfect for a football party held in a McMansion populated by aspirants who want all the frou-frou trappings of yuppie beatniks except without all the existential angst.

I’m no foodie, but I’m beginning to appreciate that the rind of good brie is the part that gives the cheese individuality. Without it, there’s no tang, no coy sharpness, no wit. The spreadable brie had no rind, thus no character. It’s not even a cheese anymore, let alone brie.

So grocery clerks, take note: spreadable brie should be shelved with the processed guacamole and year-old salsa. Definitely not any place close to the dairy section.