by syaffolee

A Few Snippets from a Wedding Observer

Despite differences in details, most weddings seem to be pretty much the same. The one I attended earlier today was interesting in that the priest (it was a Catholic wedding) did the service in both English and Spanish. And afterwards, during the reception, there was a bit of Polish chanting of which I understood not at all. So here’s some amusing observations with all the boring stuff cut out:

* * *
The priest during the wedding ceremony: “Nowadays, young people like to light a unity candle…”

As the priest rambled on, the deacon looked very confused.

“So now, if the bride and groom and come up and light the candle…”

The deacon held up a folder and said something to the priest that was inaudible to the audience.

The priest replied: “Oh, I’m getting ahead of myself! They haven’t even said their vows yet. We should probably do that.”

* * *
During the reception, one of the undergrads decided to play a small prank.

“Hey,” he told another grad student. “Your advisor just called. He wants to know why you aren’t in lab.”

Her jaw dropped open in stressed-out horror before everyone at the table burst into laughter. (Her advisor is known to be pretty exacting.)

* * *
I was forced to stand with the rest of the women guests for the toss of the bridal bouquet. However, I chose a spot on the edge as quite a few young ladies, eager to catch it, were jostling each other and practicing their wide-receiver poses like mad bargain hunters at a Macy’s 50% off sale. The result was fairly mundane–the bride tossed the bouquet and someone caught it.

The tossing of the garter was a different story. The first time the groom threw it, it landed on the floor and no one reached out to take it. The second time the groom threw it, it went far enough to land in the crowd, but everyone ran out of the way to avoid the garter. The third time the groom threw it…

Well, he didn’t throw it. One particularly skittish bachelor simply took off running out of the reception hall (probably thinking that the groom did toss it). The groom and his groomsmen took off after him and dragged him bodily back into the reception hall. He was squirming unhappily as they restrained him. The garter was strapped to the hapless guy’s head like a frilly headband as people laughed at his futile efforts at escape and took pictures.

Lesson: Although running away might sound like a good idea, it will only make things worse for you.