Closing in on 60k, I am still not feeling the story. Sure, I know where I want the characters to go, but the hows and the whys? Forget it. At the moment, all I’m typing are words and most of the time, most of them don’t register with me. Instead, it’s become a matter of endurance. I have the strong urge to get to the end of this month and this story and then wash my hands of it.
Many people say that when you’re writing a story, you’re too close to it to really view it with any objectivity. To help with editing, it’s a good idea to put the story away for a while and then look at it later with a fresh pair of eyes. The problem is, I don’t feel close to the story at all. It’s as if I’m writing this by remote control and all I’m doing is putting down the words dispassionately, as if I’m just a factory worker doing my job. I don’t feel as if I’m injecting any of my own style or enthusiasm into it.
If it were any other time of the year, I might have scrapped the story many chapters ago and have moved on to something else. But this is Nanowrimo. And I’ve already committed to the idea in October. (Of course, back then, I thought the idea was going to be awesome, but things have a way of turning around once you actually do it.) And even though I’m not particularly happy with the story, I sort of want to use this as a lesson and an example. Things can get less than ideal. But that is no reason, no excuse, to quit.
To me, Nanowrimo is a lot about perseverance and seeing things through. So this experiment in trying different timelines didn’t work so well this year. So what? Maybe I don’t have the literary savvy to turn this around. Most of this will probably end up as first draft dreck that I don’t really want to look at again. But at least I’m giving it a go and pushing my own boundaries.